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The Matrimonial Fog 

A Comedy in One Act 



By 
FLORENCE CLAY KNOX 



PLEASE NOTICE 

The professional stage-rights in this play are strictly reserved, 
Amateurs may obtain permission to produce it privately upon 
payment of a fee of five dollars ($5 00) for each performance, in 
advance. All payments and correspondence should be addressed 
to Norman Lee Swartout, 24 Blackburn Road, Summit, 
New Jersey. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1918 



4$s^ . 



The Matrimonial Fog 



CHARACTERS 

{As originally produced by The Waterloo Community Drama 
League \ October 12 \ 1917*) 

Jack Dunlap, a young bachelor - - - - Leslie Lewis 

Gerald Howe, a young married man - - Pressey H. Frank 

Amy, his wife Florence La Tier 

Billy, a bell hop Max Levingston 

Scene. — At a Country Club. 
Time. — One evening last summer. 




Copyright, 191 7, by Florence Clay Knox 
[As an unpublished dramatic composition.} 

Copyright, 1918, by Florence Clay Knox 

As author and proprietor. Professional stage 

and moving picture rights reserved* 



MAR I !9r^) ClD 49018 



/w^ 



The Matrimonial Fog 



SCENE. — A secluded comer on the veranda of a 
Country Club. 1 It is a summer evening. On the left 
an open door and windows reveal a lighted interior. 
On the right is an entrance supposedly leading to an 
extension of the veranda and a side entrance, zvhere 
may be found telephones, messenger boys and other 
conveniences. Palms and ferns, banked across the 
back, a string of Japanese lanterns, flowers and music 
in the distance are unmistakable signs that a dance is 
going on. The furnishings are informal bat luxurious, 
in keeping with a well-appointed club in summer attire. 
A little to the right of the center is a wicker davenport, 
strewn with gay pillows, facing the front diagonally. 
Just behind this is a floor-lamp with a rose-colored 
shade which casts a warm glow over the seat. At the 
left of the center is a wicker table, upon which stands 
a tall basket of American Beauty roses, and in front of 
the table a little to the left is a zcicker armchair. 

Enter at rise Jack Duxlap, l. He is a young bachelor, 
popular with the married set, good looking, graceful, 
polished, thirty ; a man who loves to disguise serious 
feeling and real depth of character beneath an air of 
easy nonchalance, and a never failing sense of humor 
carries him through every ordeal. He paces back 
and forth restlessly, looks at his watch and seems 
to be hesitating between a desire to stay and a deter- 
mination to go. 

Jack (to himself). I'm a fool not to get out of this. 
(He takes a coin from his pocket.) Heads I run, tails 
I stay. (He tosses the coin.) Heads. I run, — so I 
guess I'll stay. (He pockets the coin thoughtfully.) 

1 If veranda scenery is not available a room at the club may be sub- 
stituted with the furniture and doors arranged in the same way. 



4 THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 

Enter Gerald Howe, l. He is a well-groomed, athletic 
chap, fairly radiating health and happiness, the type 
of man who will always be more or less a boy. He 
takes his wife's love for granted and asks no ques- 
tions. 

Gerald. Oh, there you are, Jack. Somebody said 
you wanted to see me. 

Jack. Yes, I did — I mean I do. Sit down, won't 
you, Gerald? Smoke? (Offers him cigarette case.) 

Gerald (taking cigarette). Thanks. (They light 
cigarettes.) I won't sit down, though. I never sit down 
when I'm dancing. 

Jack. Not intentionally, I suppose. Well, I get you 
all right. Your wind and your legs, Gerry, — Gad, they 
always were wonders. 

Gerald (tenderly surveying his extremities). Well, 
I should certainly miss 'em. You were about to say — 
er — just what was it you wanted? May I gently bring 
to your notice the fact that I'm engaged for this next 
dance? Not that I don't love you, Jack, — but oh, 
you fox-trot ! ( Throws a kiss to the lighted zvin- 
dows. ) 

Jack. Don't worry. You can go in a minute. ( Very 
deliberately.) What would you do if you found your- 
self some day in love with a married woman? 

Gerald. I ? Well, of course if the married woman 
were my wife 

Jack. Don't be absurd. If the married woman were 
not your wife. 

Gerald. Well, of course, that would depend entirely 
upon the size of the other man. 

Jack. If she were the wife of a bigger man, — a man 
ten thousand times better than yourself. 

Gerald. You are not meaning me, Jack? 

Jack. You? I said a man ten thousand times better 
than yourself, — meaning myself, of course. 

Gerald (bewildered). Well, I don't quite get you, 
Jack, but I can plainly see " it ain't me." 

Jack. What would you do about it ? 

Gerald, Me? I'd — look here, you gay and festive 



-,m 



THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 5 

home-wrecker, I believe you're deliberately trying to 
make me miss this next dance. By the way, haven't you 
an appointment with Amy along about now? 

Jack. Yes. She is to meet me here at ten-thirty. 
You knew about this imbecile arrangement then? 

Gerald. Sure. Have you forgotten that the con- 
spiracy was conspired in my presence? 

Jack. That's so. Well, then, I wish you'd explain 
to me how T in thunder the thing ever happened. 

Gerald. Well, when Amy said she'd never been 
flirted with in all her life everybody set up a howl and 
we agreed that we would secure the services of the most 
skilled and accomplished lady-killer to see that she was 
taken aw*ay and flirted with in the latest and most ap- 
proved method for fifteen minutes. You were unani- 
mously elected for the job. Congratulations. 

Jack. You, yourself, not being eligible, I suppose. 
I just wanted to see, — er — that is, — I just wanted to be 
sure that you understood the arrangement perfectly. 

Gerald. For the love of Mike, you didn't get me out 
here just for this, did you? 

Jack. Why, yes, I suppose so. You see 

Gerald. Do you always go through this formality 
before flirting with another man's wife? 

Jack. No. Do you? But Amy's different. You 
see, I really believe she never has been mixed up in a 
real flirtation, and 

Gerald. And the little minx is sore about it, I believe. 
This may be a trap. But I wouldn't worry, Jack. No- 
body suspects you of being in love with Amy, do they? 

Jack. No, nobody suspects me. But, — supposing 
lam? 

Gerald (still preoccupied and eager to go). Am 
what? Oh, in love with Amy? Well, I don't know as 
that seems so unlikely to me. She's a very easy person 
to fall in love with. I can't prevent people falling in 
love with her, just because I happen to be her husband. 
Let 'em fall. I wouldn't be surprised if there were thou- 
sands in love with her at this very moment. 

Jack. Very well. Thanks for having so much con- 
fidence in me. 



6 THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 

Gerald. Confidence in you? Damned if I have. 
But I'd bet my last sou on Amy. 

Jack. The attitude of you married men to your wives 
is a mystery to me. You seem so cocksure of them. 
You seem to think that having married them, having 
obtained the deed, as it were, your ownership is undis- 
puted, providing you keep up the taxes. But a woman's 
heart is not a piece of real estate, you know. 

Gerald. Sometimes they're made of stone though, 
I'll swear to that. 

Jack. Why, if I had married a girl like — like Amy, 
for instance, I should be asking her a thousand times a 
day if she still loved me. I'd be suspicious of every 
man who looked her way. 

Gerald. That's not the present idea in husbands, 
Jack, not at all. 

Jack. Do you suppose I'd turn her over to be flirted 
with for two minutes by an unscrupulous old bachelor 
like myself? 

Gerald. It's nice to feel dangerous, anyway. 

Jack. Or do you think I'd be caught making promises 
to go on journeys, heaven knows where, w T ith about one 
chance in a million of getting back alive? 

Gerald. Meaning — what I promised Delaven? 

Jack. Exactly. 

Gerald. Well, I noticed we didn't catch you making 
any, even without a wife. 

Jack. All right, doubt my patriotism if you want to. 
I'll admit I'm not in a mood to die for my country, nor 
for anything else, just at present. But when I do, I 
shall do so stylishly, in a becoming uniform. I shall 
have a military funeral and all my relatives shall have 
the satisfaction of knowing I'm dead and saving the 
newspaper clippings. I have no ambition to percolate 
out of existence with no glory whether I succeed or not. 

Gerald. Nonsense, Jack. It'll never come to any- 
thing. Delaven hasn't been seen or heard of since. 
Just some of his, — his dramatics. He has pussyfooted 
around in so many million dollar mysteries that he's a 
little sappy about it. I'm not, worrying at all. 

Jack. Perhaps you're right. But as I recall it, it had 



THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 7 

an awfully premeditated look. Here's Delaven, as we 
know head over ears in secret service even before the 
war began and close mouthed as' a tomb about govern- 
ment affairs. Suddenly he displays a great affection for 
vou Al Barrows and me. Has the three of us m his 
room— gets strangely confidential— tells us thrilling 
yarns fires our patriotism— and when he has us all 
coming right, what does he say? "If our plans work 
out as we expect, some man just fitted for the job will 
have to make an ocean trip and tie the knot at that end 
of the line. He's got to be young and daring, know the 
country, speak both French and German. In all proba- 
bility he will never live to return, but my God, think ot 
the opportunity, the glory " 

Gerald. And right there I bit. 

Tack You did. Well, did it occur to you that you, 
Al and I each filled the bill a little too nicely to be 

accidental ? t . ■ _ 

Gerald. No. I didn't think. I just bit. Lost my 
head, felt so all-fired patriotic I just yearned to stand up 
and be shot for my native land. Just the same I tell 
you I'm not worrying. The world may not owe me a 
living but it owes me a good time for a while yet, by 
j ove _ an d that reminds me I've missed out on one per- 
fectly good dance. Amy will be here in a moment. In 
spite of your warnings I dare you to wade in and do 
your worst. Be just as fascinating as you can. 

Jack (laughing a little). Oh, all right. I take your 
dare, confound you, and you can take— the consequences. 

Gerald. " Posilutely. ,, Til also come and take Amy 
off your hands at ten forty-five. (He starts to go and 
then returns.) Are you feeling perfectly fit, old man? 
You don't seem quite yourself to-night. 

Tack. Why should I be? But you may as well clear 
out. You can't expect me to make love to Amy with 
friend husband gibbering in the background. 

Gerald. Certainly not, Romeo, but you needn't kick 
me. I go of my own sw r eet will. Ta, ta. 
(He laughs. Exit, l.) 

Jack (looking after him). Absolutely dense. 



8 THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 

Enter Billy, the bell boy, from r. 

Billy. Did you speak, sir? 

Jack. Yes. I said — the fog was very dense this 
evening. 

Billy (puzzled). Something wrong, sir. The moon 
is shinin' for all you're worth and the darkness is as 
bright as day. 

Jack. Right you are, Billy, but the fog I referred to 
is at sea, — the matrimonial sea. 

Billy. Yes, sir. 

Jack. Nothing can penetrate this fog. Neither guns 
booming, nor fireworks, nor earthquakes. Pirate ships 
may be lurking near but the smug little craft in the 
matrimonial fog sails on serenely, unaware of danger. 

Billy (much disturbed and sidling toward l. door). 
Yes, sir. I'll get help right away 

Jack. Here ! Come back. Where are you going, 
Billy? 

Billy (relieved). Just the usual rounds. I'm sup- 
posed to do it every fifteen minutes. 

Jack. Oh, I see. Then presumably you'll be back in 
a quarter of an hour. 

Billy. Yes, sir. Anything you wanted, sir? 

Jack. No, — no. I just thought I might like to know 
when a quarter of an hour was up. 

Billy. I'll be back right on the dot, sir. 

Jack. Very good. See that you do. 

Billy. Not a minute before, sir. 

Jack. I hope not. 

Billy. Not a minute late, sir. 

Jack. Well, of course, if by any chance you should 
be unavoidably belated, why, I'll try to overlook it. 

(He gives him a tip.) 

Billy (grinning). I get you, boss. Thank you, sir. 

[Exit, l. 

(Jack walks up and down nervously ; looks at his 



THE MATRIMONIAL FOG g 

watch; seems to be in doubt; then suddenly a look 
of determined resolution comes into his face; he 
has made up his mind.) 

Enter Amy, l. She is a pretty young woman, whose 
heart is true but whose love of romance sometimes 
leads her into difficulties. She is easily swayed and 
emotional but always charming. 

Amy. Oh, you're here already. I hope I'm not very 
late. 

Jack. You're not. I was here early. When the 
gates of Paradise are to be thrown open at ten-thirty one 
is quite apt to arrive at ten twenty-five, at least. 

Amy. Oh, how nice. You're beginning already, 
aren't you? I'm so excited. {She sits on davenport 
under the light.) Just think of being flirted with ex- 
clusively for all of fifteen minutes, and by you of all 
men. The girls say you do it so beautifully. 

Jack. They do, do they? Well, this is flattering, 
I'm sure, and a bit disconcerting, too. I hope none of 
them went into details, — exposed my methods, as it were ? 

Amy. No, not at all. Besides, I wouldn't tell if they 
had, would I ? And besides again, you surely don't use 
the same methods with all of us, do you? 

Jack. Of course I modify them somewhat to suit 
age, size and previous experience, but on the whole you'd 
be surprised to see how many fall for the same thing. 

Amy. Really? 

Jack. Of course your victim must never suspect this. 
The very first thing is to establish the idea that you have 
never met any one quite like her before, and so you say, 
looking deep into her eyes — " Do you know you are so 
different from all the rest?" Why, I've tried it on 
fifteen girls the same party and never failed to put it 
over. 

Amy {much impressed). Really? How interesting. 

Jack. It was at first. But tell me, what made you 
say no one had ever flirted with you ? Was it the truth ? 

Amy. Yes, indeed. It was like this. After dinner 



10 THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 

we were all sitting around and, — but to go back further, 
to the real beginning. It's hard to find the real be- 
ginning of a story, isn't it? 

Jack. Yes. 

Amy. You start and then you stop and say, — " But 
before that," and then,—" Oh, I forgot before that " 

and "Before that " and (She motions with the 

hand next to Jack. As it approaches his face he takes 
it and kisses it. Amy starts and laughs uneasily.) 
Oh!— Is that part of it? 

Jack. Certainly. Graceful, don't you think? 

Amy. Yes, very. Gerald would have dodged and 
said, " Look out there, you'll stick your finger in my 
eye." You make me forget where I was. 

Jack. You hadn't arrived. You were just going 
way, way back. 

Amy. Oh, yes. To go way, way back. (She 
gesticulates with her other hand.) I was reading a 
magazine story, and it said that a woman should never 
resent being flirted with, because it was the most subtle 
flattery a man could offer. And then I began thinking 
that of all the men I had ever known, none of them ever 
flirted with me. We have always been — just good 
friends. 

Jack. How about Gerald? 

Amy. Oh, Gerald never flirted with me. He just 
made love and proposed. That's quite another matter, 
isn't it? 

Jack. Absolutely. But tell me, — doesn't Gerald 
occasionally indulge nowadays? 

Amy. You know he flirts outrageously. But Gerald 
does not approve of flirting with wives or mothers. 
That is — not your own. 

Jack. And aren't you jealous? 

Amy. Jealous? Jack, don't you know it isn't being 
done this year? Not this season. Why, a jealous wife 
would be as out of date as, — as a horse and buggy. Be- 
sides, Gerald only flirts because he can't help it. Just 
like a kitten playing with its tail. 

Jack. I see. And there's no occasion for jealousy 
when you own the kitten. 



THE MATRIMONIAL FOG I I 

Amy. Of course not. Dear me, I'm doing all the 
talking. 

Jack. Go on. I love to hear you. Just being near 
you is like being immersed in an ocean of delight, and 
when you speak your voice stirs it to life and sets in 
motion a million little waves of purest ecstasy. 

Amy. Jack ! That sounds like a trashy novel. (She 
laughs.) If I should repeat that to Gerald you'd never 
hear the last of it. 

Jack. You have my permission to tell him. 

Amy. I couldn't get it straight. Something about 
swimming, wasn't it? 

Jack. That's near enough. And so you said nobody 
ever flirted with you and I was appointed to make up the 
deficiency. Picked for my harmlessness, I suppose. 

Amy. For the superiority of your performance. 

Jack. My reputation exceeds my wildest ambition. 
Well, little novice in the gentle and mysterious art of 
flirtation, to begin with ■ 



Amy. I thought we'd started, — I 

Jack. To begin with, let us divide our subject into 
three heads, namely, The Time, The Place, and The Girl. 
First, Time. Oh, any old time will do. Secondly, 
Place. Well, any old place will do, too. Thirdly, Girl. 

Amy. Any old girl? 

Jack. Hardly. 

Amy. I came for a demonstration, not a course of 
instruction. 

Jack. Amy, you are the limit. I could never flirt 
with you. 

Amy. Why not ? 

Jack. Because there are but two attitudes possible 
for me toward you. That of a safe and sane sort of 
comradeship, or that of love, real love. (Amy is troubled 
and does not know how to take him.) Strange, isn't it, 
what the whim of a lot of silly people will bring about? 
They will get amusement out of it, no doubt; you a new 
experience; and I — I, who matter not at all to them or to 
you or to anybody else, I am to have my day at last — for 
fifteen minutes. 

Amy (distressed). Listen, Jack, I 



12 THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 

Jack. Funny, isn't it, that this love stuff must ex- 
press itself. If you are a bird you sing; if you are an 
ass you bray. Painters paint pictures, poets write son- 
nets, some few lucky devils may tell the woman of their 
choice in simple, plain English. But the poor wretch 
who loves where he has no right, who can neither sing, 
nor paint, nor bray, — he must keep his secret year after 
year, until some day it bursts from his tortured heart, 
pitifully disguised as a silly flirtation. 

Amy (rising). Jack, I can't listen to you any longer. 
You're not amusing. You're terrible. You frighten me, 
and I haven't the least idea what you are talking about. 

Jack. Neither have I. Sounds well, though, don't 
you think? By Jove, I think it's great. Never did it so 
well before. 

Amy (on the verge of tears). Jack, — I don't know 
what to say to you. I'm, — I'm perfectly furious. 

Jack. I didn't mean it, dear. Truly, I didn't mean it. 

Amy (sitting again). That's what makes me so, — so 
furious. 

Jack (suddenly losing patience and control of him- 
self). Amy, you know that I love you. I love you. I 
have always loved you. I shall die loving you. 

Amy (rising). Jack, I 

Jack. Amy 

(He takes her in his arms, holds her close a moment, 
and then kisses her.) 

Amy (tearing herself away and crossing to l.). Jack, 
how awful, — you, — you kissed me. Take me to Gerald. 

Jack (dazed). Gerald? Who's he? 

Amy. Oh, I hate you for it. I don't call this flirting. 
I call it profanity, to make love like this, and never mean 
a word of it. 

Jack. Well, maybe I do mean it. What if I did 
mean it, after all ? 

Amy. Oh, please, please stop. 

(She sinks into chair on l. and buries her face in her 
hands. Her handkerchief falls to the floor. Jack 
picks it up. ) 



THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 13 

Jack (gazing at her helplessly). Yes, of course. 
How fortunate that I don't mean — anything. 

(He tenderly slips her handkerchief in his waistcoat.) 

Amy (raising her face). Whether you meant it or 
not you had no right to kiss me. And the worst part of 
it is that I let you go on till now I just can't rid myself of 
an awful feeling that perhaps you've been in earnest. 

Jack (after a moment's pause). Madam flatters me. 
I told you that a really perfect flirtation should always 
leave the victim delightfully in doubt. This fifteen 
minutes' diversion was plainly labeled. 

Amy. Thank goodness for that. But you need never 
flirt with me again. I've had enough. (Enter Gerald. 
Amy rushes to him.) Oh, Gerald! 

Gerald. Well, people, I gave you two minutes extra. 

Amy. Oh, Gerald, he's wonderful. Wonderful, and 
wicked too. He made such real love to me that he had 
to tell me twice that he didn't mean it. 

Gerald. Indeed? Rather outdid himself, didn't he? 
Well, much obliged, Jack, you lady-killer, for initiating 
Amy. By the way, I've been thinking over that little 
problem of yours, about what to do if you found your- 
self in love with a married woman. 

Jack (to Amy). I was asking for a friend, of course. 

Gerald. Of course. Well, your friend should go 
ahead and tell her. I know it isn't ethics but it will give 
him a lot of satisfaction and won't hurt anybody. 

Jack. What's the idea ? 

Gerald. This is the way I figure it out. If the 
woman doesn't love her husband then it gives them all 
one more shake of the dice. Me for bettering things 
always. If she does love her husband the other man's 
love-making will roll off like water off a swan. That's 
the truth, isn't it, Amy? 

Amy (with the slightest hesitancy). Why, yes, — of 
course. 

Jack (taking coin from pocket and looking at it). I 
believe you're right. Do you see this little penny ? 

Gerald. I hope it isn't your last. 



14 THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 

Jack. A while ago I tossed it into the air to decide 
whether I should stay away from a certain ordeal, or 
stay and face it. Heads, I should run; tails, stay. It 
came heads. 

Amy. And so you ran away. 

Jack. No, — I stayed. (He places the coin in Amy's 
hand.) Keep it. It may tell you something wonderful 
some day. 

Gerald (to Amy). He often talks like this. But 
he's perfectly harmless. (To Jack.) So long, old man, 
or are you coming in? 

Jack. No. I'll smoke a cigarette first. 

Gerald. Good-night. 

Amy. Good-night, Jack, and thanks for the ex- 
perience. 

(Exit Gerald with Amy on his arm, l. Jack stands 
looking after them without moving.) 

Enter Billy from r. 

Billy. Still foggy, sir? 

Jack (taking note of Billy but still more or less 
absorbed in his own thoughts as he lights a cigarette). 
Still foggy. So foggy that a pirate ship has just sunk 
with all on board, and nobody knows it. 

. Billy. Collision ? 

Jack. Well, — er — yes. Contact, at least, and subse- 
quent explosion. The other craft uninjured, and, in 
fact, unaware of any accident, — thanks to the fog. Has 
the fifteen minutes expired, Billy? 

Billy (grinning hopefully). Expired and time for 
the funeral. I was " unavoidably belated," like you 
wanted. 

Jack. All right, Billy. Here. (Gives him another 
coin.) Go and buy yourself a bunch of flow r ers. 

Billy. 'Salright. Good-night, sir. [Exit, R. 

Enter Amy, l. An evening cloak is thrown about her 
shoulders; she appears hurried and excited. 

Amy. Oh, Jack, just a moment while Gerry is getting 



THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 1 5 

the car. I came because I — I don't know why I came, 
but some way I couldn't leave without telling you the 
truth. Gerry isn't right. It doesn't roll off like water 
and I'm not the little simpleton you think. I've been 
pretending, Jack. Will you forgive me? 

Jack. Forgive ? 

Amy. I'm so ashamed, but I won't spare myself. I 
wanted you to tell me all you did, and all the time I 
knew, — I knew you meant it. 

Jack. Amy, you are mad. And if I did mean it, 
what could that possibly mean to you ? 

Amy (in a scared, small voice). I don't know. 
(Jack stares at her a moment, wavers, then suddenly 
turns, walks away a few steps and stands with his back 
to her, his hand over his eyes.) What is it, Jack? What 
is the matter? 

Jack (recovering). I, — I was saying my prayers. I 
always do that when I'm fearfully embarrassed. And I 
count twenty before swearing, — or is it the other way 
around ? 

Amy. I don't know. 

Jack. Really, could anything be more embarrassing 
than to be taken seriously when you have only tried to 
be clever and amusing? 

Amy. Do you think I would be such a little fool if I 
didn't know? When a man keeps a woman's handker- 
chief 

Jack. You are mistaken, my dear. 

Amy. Mistaken? Why, the edge of it is sticking out 
now. 

(She reaches out as if to take it but Jack gets it first. 
He smoothes it carefully and holds it by the corners 
but is perplexed and baffled and amused at his 
plight. ) 

Jack. Well, you're right. I did, didn't I? It looks 
that way, doesn't it? The fact is, — I — I am making a 
collection of them. Yes. Souvenirs, you know. This 
is the only one I have with an A in the corner, so I know 
you won't ask me to give it up. 



l6 THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 

Amy (angrily). I shall never forgive you. [Exit, l. 
(Jack sinks into chair; presses handkerchief to his lips.) 
Enter Billy from r., with a card in his hand. 
Billy (paging). Mr. Howe — Mr. Howe- 



Jack. Billy, I was mistaken about that other craft 
escaping whole. She experienced a severe jolt and the 
steering apparatus was put out of order — for a moment. 

Billy. Un, un. (Continues to page.) Mr. Howe, — 
Mr. Howe. 

Jack. You'd better hurry. He's just leaving in his 
car. 

Billy (running to l.). Mr. Howe, — Mr. Howe. 

(Exit Billy, l., but he returns almost immediately 
with Gerald, who is studying the card and takes it 
to light.) 

Gerald. Call up Plaza 6428. Who in thunder can 
that be? (He tosses the card onto the table.) 
Jack. You know how you can find out. 
Billy. He said he'd hold the line for two minutes. 

(Exit Gerald, r., followed by Billy.) 

(Jack rises and stands leaning against the table with 
folded arms. It is evident that he awaits Gerald's 
return rather tensely. Gerald reenters, pale with 
excitement. ) 

Gerald. Jack, I 

Jack. What's the matter? 

Gerald. Delaven ! 

Jack. Delaven ? What does he want ? 

Gerald. Gave me no time to answer. I am to meet 
him at three o'clock and the boat leaves some time before 
noon. 

Jack. To-morrow ? 

Gerald (after looking at his watch). Yes. 

Jack. It's outrageous. I wouldn't go. He can't 
hold you to that crazy promise. 

Gerald. He doesn't have to. He knows I keep my 
crazy promises. 



THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 17 

Jack. Now look here, old man, you've got to use 
common sense about this thing. He can't expect you to 
rush off without any warning 

Gerald. You are wasting words, Jack, and you know 
it. Let me think. It is now eleven o'clock. I shall 
have to go to the office first. Listen. I'll go and tell 
Amy and send her back here and you can take her home. 
I'll join you in an hour. Tell Tomkins to pack my big 
bag, and — don't say anything to Amy about the danger- 
stuff. 

Jack. Trust me, Gerald. (Exit Gerald, l.) Well, 
I'll be damned. (He sinks into the chair and struggles 
with his feelings for a moment but he is unable to keep 
out of his face an expression of elation. He takes out 
Amy's handkerchief and after looking at it smiles faintly 
and a little guiltily. Suddenly his manner changes and 
he becomes seriously thoughtful. He rises, walks back 
and forth once or twice, then goes to table and picks up 
card Gerald left, looks at it and resolves what to do. 
He rings for the bell-boy. Enter Billy, from r.) Billy, 
Mrs. Howe will be here in a moment. Will you tell her 
there was a telephone call for her husband and I am 
answering it? Now, get this straight. A telephone call 
for her husband and I am answering it. See ? Ask her 
to wait. 

Billy. Yes, sir. 

Jack. And listen, Billy. Do you suppose you could 
get two things into your head at one and the same time ? 

Billy. I'd like to try it. 

Jack. You know my chauffeur, don't you? 

Billy. Yes, sir. 

Jack. Tell him to get my car ready at once and wait 
for me at the side entrance. See that she's full up and 
ready for speed. 

Billy. Yes, sir. (Exit Jack, r. To himself.) 
Something doing. 

Enter Amy, from l., much agitated. 

Amy. Oh, boy, have you seen anything of Mr, 
Dunlap ? 



l8 THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 

Billy. Yes, ma'am. He told me to tell you he'd be 
back directly. 

Amy. Thanks. 

Billy. There was a telephone call for Mr. Howe and 
he's answering it. 

Amy. You don't know what it was about, do you? 

Billy. No, ma'am, but I gotta call his car now. 

[Exit, r. 

(Amy waits in silence with tightly clasped hands and 
suppressed excitement. ) 

Enter Jack, r. He stands looking at her for a moment. 
Dance music off stage. 

Amy. What was it, Jack? 

Jack. Great news for you, little girl. They just 
called up Gerry to say that he won't have to go after all. 

Amy. Really? Oh, it's too good to be true. He 
isn't going — he isn't going 

Jack. No. It seems they found a man really much 
better fitted for the job, and who is simply cracked to 
go, — doesn't give a hang whether he comes back or not. 
Some fellow with a patriotic bug, I suppose. 

Amy. Oh, I can never be grateful enough. Do you 
know, Jack, when Gerry told me this awful thing, I 
knew it was meant to punish me. I wasn't quite true to 
Gerry to-night. ' My head was turned. I just felt reck- 
less, — I Oh, I'm a lucky girl. But how is Gerry 

to know they don't want him ? 

Jack. I caught the night watchman at the building 
and told him to send Gerry back here at once. We'll 
just have time for a dance before he comes. 

{Music up stronger. It is Aufwiedersehn Waltz from 
" The Blue Paradise!') 

Amy. Oh, they are playing " Auf Wiedersehn." I 
love it, don't you ? 

Jack. I shall from to-night. {He removes her cloak 
and places it over the back of the seat. As they start 
to waltz. ) You still have the penny I gave you ? 






THE MATRIMONIAL FOG 19 

Amy. Yes. Why? 

Jack. Nothing. I'd just like to have you keep it, 
always, — that's all. 

Amy. I'll carry it for my lucky-piece, — always. 

{They waltz off stage, l.) 



CURTAIN 



TEAM-WORK 

A College Comedy in Three Acts 

By H. Q. Gallupe and Charles Gott 

Prize winner. Pen, Paint and Pretzel Contest, Tufts College, November, igiO 

Ten males, five females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. 
Plays two hours and a quarter. The college course of Bob, the mainstay 
of the football team, is threatened by his father's ruin, due to the schem- 
ing of the uncle and patron of Humphrey, a classmate. Humphrey places 
his own standing in jeopardy to save his chum and finally saves the situ- 
ation. This is the backbone of a strong play with very strong and various 
incidental interests and lots of first class comedy. Good atmosphere, lots 
of humor, strong characters ; can be highly recommended. 

Price, 2 j ce?its 

CHARACTERS 

Stewart Almy, " Toot" a member of "Paint and Powder," a 

dramatic club. 
William Jefferson Jordan, "Shine" the playwright, member of 

■ 'Paint and Powder. 
Bob Richards, captain of the football team, host at Forest Lodge. 
H. Gardner Humphrey, football manager. 
Frank Bell, electrician for "Paint and Powder." 
Bill Black, \ 

Tom White ' I s * a & e nandsfor "-Paint and Powder." 

Sam Green, J 

Messenger Boy. 

Dorothy Sprague, ] 

Edith Richards, Fob's sister, > Students at Jackson College. 

Ruth Sargent, j 

Mrs. Hodgkins, Bob's aunt, the chaperon. 

Amy Sinclair Grandby, a Radcliffe student, Edith 's friend. 

I SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Dining-room at Forest Lodge, morning. 

Act II. — Same as Act I. Evening of the following day. 

Act III. — Stage of the college gymnasium, on the afternoor. 

preceding the performance of the Paint and Powder play. 

the cribber 

A College Comedy in Three Acts 
By W. P. Mcintosh 

Six males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery., three easy in* 
teriors. Plays an hour and a half. A student finds an examination paper 
that a professor has mislaid and hides it for temporary safety in another 
student's desk, where it is found in a search for a lady's letter by a jealous 
rival. The case looks black against a very popular man for a while, but 
is finally cleared up. Co-educational piece, with good atmosphere arid 
lots of incidental fun. 

Price is cents 



JTTLE PLAYS FOR LITTLE PLAYERS 

For Thanksgiving Day, Washington's Birthday, 
Patriots' Day, and for general use 

Eleven easy and popular entertainments for children of all ages and 
both sexes, and suited to a great variety of occasions. All contain all 
necessary music that is not easily accessible and diagrams of all the drills 
and marches that are described. Where the costumes offer any difficulty, 
as in the case of the Colonial entertainments, patterns are given so that 
these may be easily contrived at home. 

Price, 25 cents 

CONTENTS 

The Thanksgiving Feast. For 14 boys 

and 6 girls. 
"Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater." For 

1 little boy and 1 little girl. 
The Minute Men. For 16 small boys. 
Priscilla. For 10 boys and 10 girls. 
Scenes From Hiawatha. For use by 

the whole school. 
The All-America Eleven. For 12 boys. 



The Wings of Mignonette. For 8 girls. 
The Dolls' Frolic. For 2 boys and 3 

girls. 
The Golden Goose. For 10 boys and 4 

girls. 
Dorothy's Birthday. For 9 boys and 8 

girls. 
The Lost Children. For 7 boys, 5 girls 

and chorus. 



ALL THE YEAR ROUND 

Entertainments for Every Month in the Year 
Sixteen entertainments for children of various ages and both sexes, 
written by an experienced teacher and intended to meet the wants of other 
teachers. Costumes are easily arranged, and full descriptions are given 
as well as music and illustrative diagrams. 

Price, 25 cents 

CONTENTS 

For 6 boys, 6 



" Happy New Year.' 

girls and a little child. 
The Rail Splitters. For 12 small boys. 
Valentines. For 6 girls and 6 boys, or 

12 girls. 
George and Martha Washington. 

For 6 bovs and 6 girls. 
The March Hare. For 8 boys. 
April "Weather. For 4 boys and 4 girls. 
May Flowers. For 14 little girls. 
' 4 June Time." For 14 girls. 



A Firecracker Drill. For 10 small boys. 
The Stars and Stripes. For 16 girls. 
Labor Day. For 6 boys and chorus. 
" Berries Red." For 10 little girls. 
Autumn Leaves. For 8 little girls. 
The First Thanksgiving. For 12 small 

boys. 
Christmas Bells. For 9 small boys. 
A Winter Night's Frolic. For 12 small 

boys. 



CLUB AND LODGE-ROOM ENTER- 
TAINMENTS 

For Floor or Platform Use 
Price, 25 cents 

CONTENTS 



Any number, males or 
Any number, males 



A Ribbon Race. 

females or both. 
A Variety Contest, 

or females or both. 
The Shamrock Minstrels. For 4 males, 

3 females and chorus. 
Apollo's Oracle. Any number, males 

or females. 



Plantation Bitters. For 9 males and 8 

females. 
Gulliver and the Lilliputians Up-To- 

Date. For 10 males. 
Dame History's Peep Show. Any 

number, males or females. 
The Broom Drill. For 16 characters, 

male or female or both. 



COMEDY SKETCHES 

By Julian Sturgis 

A collection of short plays suited for amateur theatricals or high-class 
vaudeville, easy to produce and of high quality. Recommended especially 
for parlor performance. 

CONTENTS 
Apples. One male, one female. 
Fire Flies. One male, one female. 
Heather. One male, one female. 
Picking up the Pieces. One male, one female. 
Half-Way to Arcady. One male, one female. 
Mabel's Holy Day. Two males, one female. 
Twenty minutes each. 
Price, 25 cents 

in office hours 

And Other Sketches 

By Evelyn Greenleaf Sutherland 

CONTENTS 

In Office Hours. Comedy Sketch in One Act, five males, foiu 

females. 
A Quilting Party in the Thirties. Outline Sketch for Music, 

six males, four females, and chorus. 
In Aunt Chloe's Cabin. Negro Comedy Sketch in One Act, 

seventeen female characters and " supers." 
The Story of a Famous Wedding. Outline Sketch for Music 
and Dancing, six males, four females. 
Price, 2 'j cents 

the soup tureen 

And Other Duologues 

A collection of short plays for two and three characters. Good quality, 
high tone and confidently offered to the best taste. 

CONTENTS 
The Soup Tureen. One male, two females. 
Lelia. One male, one female. 
The Unlucky Star. Two males. 
The Serenade. Two females. 

Play twenty minutes each. 
Price, 2 \5 cents 

holiday dialogues from dickens 

Arranged by W. E. Fette 

Comprising selections from " The Christmas Carol," " The Cricket on 

the Hearth," " The Battle of Life," etc., arranged in a series of scenes 

to be given either singly or together, as an extended entertainment. Fox 

the celebration of Christmas no better material can be found. 

Price % 25 cents 



CUPID'S PARTNER 

A Comedy in Three Acts 
By Gladys Ruth Bridgham 
Twelve female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors 
Plays two hours. An exceptionally .clever, sympathetic, sincere and in« 
teresting piece of its kind. Mrs. Freeland's great sacrifice for her daugh* 
ter's sake, and Sybil Harlow's struggle with circumstances and its reward 
are knit into a story of great dramatic strength. Capital Irish comedy 
part and an excellent six year old part that may be made very funny. 
Strongly recommended. 

Price, 25 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Sybil Harlow. 

Pansy Harlow, her sister, six years old. 

Helen Freeland. 

Beatrice Montfort 1 zi„ c g v j r»n*„* ~.-~u 

Ethel Richards } Here f ord Colle & &*- 

Muriel Austin. 

Mrs. Freeland. 

Mrs. Jardine. 

Mrs. Mulcahey. 

Eva Mulcahey. 

Dandelion Mugg. 

Miss Hill. 

SYNOPSIS 
Act I. Mrs. Freeland's room in Mrs. Mulcahey's lodging house. 
Act II. Dent's Japanese Tea-room. Valentine's Day. 
Act III. Same as Act I. Two hours later. 

HER FIRST ASSIGNMENT 

A Comedy in One Act 

By Gladys Ruth Bridgham 

Ten female characters. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays 

an hour. " Billy " Gordon, a young lady reporter, assigned to interview 

the great Mrs. Folinsbee and rinding that she is not coming to the function 

where she is expected, assumes her character to oblige the hostess, only to 

have the real Mrs. F. turn up a little later. Very lively and funny. 

Strongly recommended. 

Price y ij cents 

THREE DEAR FRIENDS 

A Comedietta in One Act 
By Katharine Metcalf Roof 
Four female characters. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays 
twenty minutes. Originally produced at Keith's Bijou Theatre, Boston. 
A pretty little piece. Mildred is made the confidant of both Peggy and 
Eva as to the progress of their love affair with Arthur Chisholm, and 
finally has to explain that she is herself engaged to that desirable gentle- 
man. Sure to be popular. 

Mte, ij **#*$ 






JL ttl* Pitiero's Plays 

Price, 50 gents Each 



MIT) PI! ANNFI Pla y in Four Acts - six males, five females. 
WIll/-VIl/UlliIilj Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. 
Plays two and a half hours. 

THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH 2ST 'IffiK 

males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. 
Plays a full evening. 

TOP PROFI IP ATF Play in Four Acts. Seven males, five 
* «*-• * IVV/r Lit vlrV 1 Li females. Scenery, three interiors, rather 
•laborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

TUF QPHfi At MfQTDFQQ Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, 
iilL Ovnui/LiiHlO I IV£ii3iJ seven females. Costumes, mod- 
em; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY g^SSX 

females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a 
full evening. 

CWFFT I A VFIOTIFP Comedy in Three Acts. Seven males, 
OVf LiLil Lti\ f E.ni/£il\ four females. Scene, a single interior, 
oostumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

TUF TWnWnFPRni T Comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, 
lnC inUllUEiIVDUJLl nine females. Scenery, three interi- 
ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF TIMF5 Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females, 
irlCi IaitIEiJ Scene. a single interior: costumes. modern. Plav* 



a full evening. 



Scene, a single interior ; costumes, modern. Plays 



THF WFAKFR QFY Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, 
I Air. f?£ir\l\£il\ OE.A. eight females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE Fiv^maleMourfemales! 
Costumes, modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Salter S. Pafeer & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 





017 400 748 2 

tfp William barren edition 
of ^lapa 

$titt f 15 Cent* tfati, 



IS YOD Lflffi IT Po^T *» **▼• Acts. Thirteen males, four 
«y ivu MAi4 ii female* Costumes , picturesque ; Menery, va- 
ried. Plays a full evening. 

CAMIT I P Drama to FIt* Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- 
vuui«i<u tumea, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

INfiflMAR F^y to Five - Aot9 - TWrteen males, three females. 
in u vm ai\ Bcener y varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 

MARY STFIART Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- 
uirtiyt tfivnni males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the 
period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. PlayB a full evening. 

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE °SS$£SS£& S5S=! 

picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 

mCHFIJFfl Pky in Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- 
s\iviiLrLrii^u ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full 
evening. 

mDI V AI S Comed 7 in FW« Acts. Nine males, five females. 
JSJ f AW Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a 
full evening. 

SHE STOOPS TO CONQUEH SSltSjrJ^ 

ried; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 

TWEFTH NIOHT; OK, WHAT YOD WILL SSftJiSE 

three females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a 
full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Salter $♦ *Bafeer & eompatt? 

lYo. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



B. J, PARKHILL * CO., PRINTERS, BOSTON, U.S.A. 



